A full candy jar when no one is looking !

Today I hit the jackpot!  When walking to the restroom post-lunch I came head-to-head with a candy jar full of Reese’s PB Cups (See Simple Pleasure #10).  No one was manning the desk, no one was following me, no one seemed to care so I dug in and grabbed three!

Yesterday, from the very beginning, started out to be “one of those days”. Before I had even left the house for work I had woken up too early, had some pregnancy morning sickness, had to convince Logan to get dressed, had to whip up something for a potluck, and still find time to get myself ready…all by 7:15. We were a little late, but we made it.

I sort of blame thus early morning mood on what I knew ahead of me at work that day.

For the last few weeks I have miserable at work, to the point where I am questioning my decision to ever start there. I have really started to miss the general camaraderie and collaboration that my previous company provided regularly. My new company lives in mini silos and has an obvious tone of hierarchy, something I am not used to. Obviously hindsight is 20/20. The position that I originally accepted was under a different manager, in a different location and had a larger team of people to work with and learn from. I could have never seen the changes that were coming just two short months later.

I ended yesterday at work with a not-so-fun talk with my manager, someone who I had thought I had built a pretty good rapport with, but learned over the course of the our hour chat that my reality of our relationship was a bit off target. My car ride home from work was a mixture of tears and anger. It wasn’t until I pulled up at Logan’s daycare house and mentally prepped myself for the potluck party that Cathy (daycare lady) was hosting for all the families. I slapped on some lipstick, practiced my smile in the rearview mirror and headed in.

My practiced smile was quickly very genuine when Logan and his posse of daycare buddies all traipsed up the stairs to see who the first visitor was, and specifically to see if it was Santa! Quickly I was playing peek-a-boo with little Tanner, having a tickle fight with Logan, Owen and Noelle, and as the first parent to arrive, getting to really experience what Logan’s day at Cathy’s house is like when I am not there.

Soon I had completely forgot about my meeting, my bad day, forgot about the 8 hours of work and was just having fun playing with the kids. (thank you Cathy…I really needed that party last night).

As an extrovert I usually get my energy from being around other people, but this week one night I came home to an empty house without my 3 yr old in tow.  I did a little laundry, but then i just sat there and allowed myself the opportunity to the enjoy some much needed alone time. It doesn’t happen near enough.

Appropriately this morning I had a conversation at the gym about the fact that you can make anything is better with cream cheese frosting! 

Darndest things:  It is the best when your child can finally relay and communicate that he/she loves you.

Last night when going through the regular routine of bedtime, I kissed my son, told him that I loved him and reminded him that I would see him in the morning.  I then started to step away, but quickly he replied (loudly I might add), ” I love you too Momma!”  Okay, so this isn’t the first time this has happened, but I don’t think it is something that will ever NOT melt my heart to hear him say it. 

Fast forward to 4:00 AM.  I have already been up with him once, as he asked for juice and I oblidged, not wanting to risk a mid-night tantrum, but by 4AM the juice cup was empty.   So when I hear him screaming from his bed that he wants more juice, I decide that instead of oblidging this request,  I would negotiate.  “You can have more juice, if you go potty on the potty chair.” 

“NO!  I don’t wanna go potty!”

I finally get out of bed to nurture, what I can tell by the tone of the previous response, my now starting to lose it little boy.  As I get to the side of his bed, I stroke his hair and say “Sorry buddy, you have already had some juice.  Why don’t you go back to sleep and you can have some juice in the morning?” 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  I want juice.”

I try to hold back my laughter and at the same time hold my ground.  “Logan, we can have some juice later.  Goodnight buddy, I love you.”  And slowly I sneak back to my room. 

This is when it happens, the funniest yet most hurtful words that a mom will ever hear.  “MOMMY, I DON’T LOVE YOU!  I DON’T LOVE YOU!!!!!!” 

By this point I am back in bed, checking to see if Bryce is hearing this exchange as well.  A moment passes, and after he wails out one last “I don’t love you!”  Logan then asks, “Momma, I want to come in your bed.  I wanna play with you hair.” 

To this I couldn’t say no.  Ahhh… he loves me after all!

In other words, yes, I am pregnant.  Our new addition is due mid-June 2012, and to be honest, I am both extactic as well as freaked out!  In addition to this mix of emotions, I have been hit heavy with the first-trimester stick, meaning I am constantly exhausted – like falling asleep on the couch at 8PM sort of exhausted.  The kind of exhausted where work days seem like dreams and dreams seems creepily like reality.

In addition to this exhaustion, my previous morning motivation for working out at 5AM has been sucked dry, leaving my workout buddy stranded at the gym.  My goal of making a homecooked meal on weeknights have turned into nights of thawing frozen meals and begging my hubby to pick up tacos on his way home from work.  My pride in being a FUN mom has been shrugged off to instead being an aware and attentive parent, one that doesn’t have nearly enough ambition to build a lego zoo as I did just a few weeks prior, but still makes time to be sure his favorite pjs are clean and his zebra hasn’t been left behind at grandma’s house.

On top of all this exhaustion, I was also plagued with some sort of flu-bug this past weekend.  I swear to you I slept on Saturday for a  good portion of the day, between trips to the bathroom.  (It wasn’t pretty!)

I am VERY fortunate to have had an amazing support network – specifically –  my boys!  Bryce has been amazing – and thoughtful, which is not his strong suit.  He has the house covered in Christmas lights and has been more than willing to step-up to the parent-plate when mommy is not feeling up to par.  And Logan,my amazing-sweet-can’t believe-he-is-almost-3-year-old-Logan, has been the best blessing.  Not only is he thrilled with the idea that mommy, like a kangaroo, has a baby in her tummy, but you wouldn’t believe his level of patience.  Logan is sweet, cautious, and the most nurturing little kid you have ever seen.  He is going to be the BEST big brother ever.  This thought, above anything else, is what is getting me through this first trimester, is getting me through the exhaustion.

Often I do my weekly grocery shopping on Sunday afternoons while Logan is sleeping and Bryce is mezmorized by NFL Football.  This was the case this week.   Going to the grocery store is a well thought out plan.  I have a list, a menu, coupons organized and have thoroughly reviewed my Sunday paper ads to get an idea of what items are on sale.  And though I usually stick to the “outside aisles”, you know, fruits,veggies, meats and dairy, I would be a liar that while at the grocery store I don’t sway from the list and buy a “treat” or two.  I think this weeks indulgences were Nacho Cheese Doritos and mozzerella sticks. 

Yesterday’s grocery shopping was like most others, and as per usual, I got in line to check-out line and was amazed with the very full cart ahead of me.  I was closely watching and monitoring  this apparent mom (a little boy that was with her was running around, checking in with her at random, so I assumed she was a mom), as she slowly prioritized  the items that she was putting on the conveyor belt, making sure that she didn’t go over budget.  I found myself, probably too closely, watching her choices and found myself growing with disgust.  Who prioritizes Reese’s Puff’s cereal above milk or carrots?   Also, I was perplexed by the excess amounts of processed options that were being selected – items like Extra Butter Microwave Popcorn and Strawberry flavored Oreos. 

To continue to add to my now outrage,  once she hits the amount she can afford, she pulls out her government sanctioned WIC/EBT card.  My political stance usually aligns with offering these sorts of social services, but in this case, I wanted there to be some sort of audit to what tax-payers are paying for – because to me, I have a hard time justifying my one bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos, but for this particular family, they apparently “needed” three bags of chips, and no apparent unprocessed fruits or vegtables (outside of the baby carrots, which I was pleased to see, did make the cut). 

I realize that I was probably a bit unnecessary as well as a bit nosey, but I couldn’t help leaving the grocery store with a huge chip on my shoulder about the government programs that are offered and how those moneys are being used.  I encourage you to weight in with your responses and interest… I probably need a bit of perspective to bring me off my high horse.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved Halloween.  I love dressing up in costumes. I love carving pumpkins into strange faces.  I love my door bell ringing incessently with kids yelling at the top of their lungs: “TRICK OR TREAT!”  And I love that MY LOVE has been genetic passed down to my son.  He is prepped and ready for the big day ahead, starting with a full day of Halloween activities at daycare followed by a long night with mom going door-to-door.

I went into parenthood thinking that nap time was mommy’s break, but I was way wrong, Instead this is the one moment of our day where our house stays clean so instead if putting your feet up, you end up doing an amazing list of items that are not an option while your kid is awake. Usually these are the pressing issues, like folding laundry or cleaning toilets. This almost never leaves time for those big ticket items that require both attention and detail. In my house the big ticket items we are working on are wedding thank you cards and transitioning summer to winter clothes….oh yeah, and homework. It is days and weeks like the one I am currently having where I curse the idea of getting my Masters degree.

I find myself wondering constantly how other working moms do it. With one kid and a relatively small house, I feel like I should be able to manage better than I do. Often my bathroom doesn’t get “deep cleaned” as often as Id like, and rarely do I make the time to dust. I justify these actions because I have a long commute and I do find time (most) nights to make dinners. What I am now able to understand is how businesses like Merry Maids, Schwans, and Hamburger Helper stay in business. Us moms need them!

I guess I’ll just, in the words of my now-husband, “do what I do”, which I think means, just get done what can be done and try to not let the stuff that isn’t done bother me so much, (note: my usual response, “easier said than done.”)

Ahhhhh…..

I’m not proud to admit that today instead of having a healthy breakfast at home that at 9:30 this morning I spent $1 in the vending machine on a pair of Poptarts, of the blueberry variety. I opened the package only to find one perfectly rectangular tart and much to my dismay, one completely mutated, discolored, awkward one. Many things came to mind, one, my mom saying something like “God gotcha!” or wondering how this monstrosity made its way past quality control perhaps it was like that episode of ” I love Lucy” episode where she and Ethel are working on the conveyor belt.

Instead of just recognizing this as a one-time mishap, I decide to bring this mutant breakfast treat to the world of social media. Yep, I took it’s picture on my phone and posted it on Kellogg’s Facebook page. Within minutes I had received a response and a phone number to call to remedy their wrong doing.

So of course I called. He didn’t need product information but instead just asked my name and address. He apologized for my bad experience and is sending me some coupons to replace my pop-tart with another Kellogg’s item of my choosing.

For me this was a win for all, not to mention I probably didn’t need two Poptarts anyway.